Friday, March 6, 2009

You Can Take That Up With My Nap Manager...

... Or what I would do with a million dollars.

First things first. I'm a napper. I come from a long line of nappers. I don't require a lot in a day, but I absolutely require a nap of some form (preferably long form) inorder for the day to run smoothly. As it turns out, when you have three kids 4 and under nap-time becomes akin to performing a miracle. Right now it's mostly Ethan who feels entitled to not sleep when everyone else is, or sleep, but ensure that he awakes several times hourly inorder to keep anyone else (ie. myself) from getting any kind of consecutive quality sleep, which may infact be worse than no sleep at all. It's one of the great debates.

This brings us to, you know how people always talk about what they'd do if they came into large (very large, forget all your worries) sums of money? Mr. Pretties always says he'd get a nanny and a cleaning lady. I concur on the cleaning lady, because, again, cleaning your house while your kids are growing up is like shoveling the snow while it's still snowing. Seriously. But I've always disagreed on a nanny, I wouldn't want someone else raising my kids, spending more time with my kids than I do, etc... unless ofcourse we could located a real-life Mary Poppins, in which case who am I to deny my children that? I just can't fill those black pointy shoes... I digress...

So while I'd be out antiquing (with kids in tow) and other such related money spending activities (with kids in tow) I'd be hiring a nap manager ASAP. MmmHmm. My nap manager would be in charge of making sure the household nap went exactly according to schedule. Every.Single.Day. The Pretties don't always want/need naps anymore, so with the nap manager that should no longer pose a problem, she'll just hang out/entertain them while I take a nap sans interruptions (unless they're important, obviously). I will require atleast two hours of designated naptime, but three is far more effective.

Mr. Pretties also enjoys a good nap, and he can take advantage of the nap managerial situation as well, but he'll have to have his own designated nap area because I nap alone. I do not like to hear snoring while I nap, tossing and turning, or have someone attempting the cuddle. No thanks. Napping is a solo event and should be treated and respected accordingly. Wilma (the boss. aka the cat) will be the only other living soul allowed in my napping area, and only because if I don't, it's a vast possibility that she'll beat me when I wake up. And, she's a good napping buddy (buddies and partners are totally different things) and sleeps at the opposite corner of the bed (unless she's sleeping on my head. Or something.)

I would pay the nap manager handsomely because I believe the raise in quality nap time I'd be receiving would greatly improve all areas of my life and those of my family, and really, can you put a price tag on that? The nap manager may also be required to sleep over once a week so I can be reminded what a complete uninterrupted night-time sleep is like. I'm sure it's just dreamy and think I'd like to be reacquainted with it, even just one out of seven nights in a week.

I thought of this fabulous idea while dozing this afternoon. It came to me when you know when you're just falling asleep and then all over a sudden "WAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" and you nearly have a heart attack and die because you went from being 100% relaxed to waking up in mid air and landing in some kind of Ninja ass-kicking move that you didn't even knew you knew let alone could get into, because clearly nothing of this world could possibly make a sound like that! Unless ofcourse you happen to have a seven month old baby... who just happens to want a bottle, or maybe just two sips of one because it's totally way funnier to drink your bottle two sips at a time and wake up 10 times an hour to do so. On second thought, I think we should spring for the nap manager now... right now...

Obviously I love the pretties to pieces, even Ethan (aka LBP) who wakes up 100x per nap, so this is not a 'damn my kids suck' post incase there were a few confused readers. This was a 'damn, I need a nap manager to improve my parenting' post. Just so you don't think I'm all mean and complainy, sometimes 'posts' get read in a different tone than I type them in :)


  1. oh my gosh...I have been absent from blogging world, so forgive me please!

    My how I have missed you! You have me chuckling...LOUDLY.

    I think the nap manager is the greatest idea EVER! I will also be hiring one if I ever come up on some crazy/life changing/I-don't-even-know-what-to-do-with-this kind of money.


  2. OMG,I laughed so hard I cried. I can totally sympathize with you only I take care of a bed ridden father-in-law instead of small children. Can the nap manager also answer the phone during nap time ? It never fails the phone won't ring all day but get in a good sleep and it won't stop ringing. Do these people have radar ? LOL


Thanks for commenting! This way I know someone is reading this craziness!


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