...The emotional train wreck that is ;)
I don't know if it's just the time of year, just me, or just the crazies that so obviously live inside my head (oh wait, are we not supposed to acknowledge our personal brain cavity crazies?) but this week has just been one on going, round trip excursion on the emotion train! This pretty much has nothing to do with anything I ever talk about, but since it's my blog I guess I'm allowed to post about what I want (right?) so here we go.
First it started with BLP finishing preschool. I know, right? All I did was spend the last eight or so months crabbing about show and share, coordinated shoe laces, and fundraising, I should be euphoric! But as I said before, everything was cool right up until pick up time when reality gave be a good strong back hand in the form of 'hey! this is the last time Meaghan will be small enough to be in this class... no more picking up lunches, plucking paintings of the drying rack, no more little purple car with her name on it from the coat room...' and next thing I know I'm madly trying to keep my composure long enough for Meaghan to say good bye to her teachers, empty her art folder, grab the painted titled 'Meaghan's last painting at preschool' (Thanks! Thanks so much, I was doing so well with my composure until this point...) and then go through the little class album to make sure there weren't any more pictures of her that I missed. I made it to the car and around the corner before I turned into a blathering idiot. Mr. Pretties was dumb founded. Ofcourse he shouldn't be, this is me, hello! That took a couple days to settle itself in my system and it was off to summer time mode - woohoo!
Until I logged onto the Children's Place site. I'm taking the BLPs summer clothes shopping this weekend and knew they had the monster sale on, so wanted to see what they had because I try to shop for the girls all at one store, being either Old Navy, Children's Place, or Please Mum. I was adding up my purchases when I see the 'Fall Fashion' and 'Back to school' or some such thing and then it starts again. It's only 10 or so weeks until BLP starts kindergarten. Big girl school. And Emma starts preschool. It's so cliche, but I remember Meaghan being born like it was yesterday (fortunately the rest of my body does not hold that memory like it was yesterday), I remember Emma being born like it was yesterday, and I certainly remember Ethan being born like it was yesterday and in 7 weeks time he'll be turning 1 year old! It's like time's been traveling at a normal pace up until five years ago and it's just flown by ever since. Ofcourse this snow balls into the whole 'My kids are growing up, next they'll be in highschool, college, married, and having children of their own... OMG!' along with the smaller 'Omg, we get report cards this year, parent teacher interviews, evening school plays, what if the kids are mean to her, etc... etc...' which is enough unto it's own for sure. But then comes a bigger issue, one that's sort of always there but not thought of too often. It's not always a well known fact that Mr. Pretties is 25+ years older than I am. This works fine for us, obviously, but there is always the looming thought that it's entirely possible that he will die before I do. Ofcourse in any marriage any one person is likely to pass on before the other, it's human nature, right? But generally (not always) the likely hood is a healthy 50/50, in our case the scales are slightly tipped. This makes me sad for any number of reasons, he's an excellent father, he definitely has his flaws (lets not go there) but he always seems to have an abundance of time to play pretend with the LPs, hide and seek, explain all the little wonders of our world, call to talk to them on the phone from work, and do a plethora of selfless things inorder to see that the LPs have the things in life to make them happy. He's also an exceptionally easy person to talk to, vent to, and sort problems out with (unless he happens to be that particular problem, then not so much) and to some extent I feel the LPs will be missing out on a lot in their future years if he's not there. I could go on and on, and yes, we obviously knew this was an 'issue' when we got married, but nothing ever prepares you for anything until you have children.
In addition we're taking Meaghan in to ENT (Ears, Nose and Throat) to have her tonsils and adenoids checked out, she's had a bought of tonsillitis on and off for a while, and her speech therapist is now thinking that a large part of the reason that she is miss pronouncing words is due to her exceptionally enlarged T and As, so the possibility of having them removed is high. I know that's totally not a big deal, it's basically out-patient day surgery I think, but just the mere thought of the whole ordeal makes me want to run and hide. If it were Emma I would be sad that she had to have it, but because it's Meaghan it's a huge deal because she is just SO, SO sensitive, I'm afraid she'll be entirely traumatized by the entire event.
So as you can see, something as simple as preschool ending has set off a whole series of emotional events. Well I can't blame the hormones exclusively, I think a big part of it has to do with just finishing The Time Travellers Wife by Audrey Niffenegger (which me being the rock dweller I am, have just realized there is now a movie, which I must watch).
Which when you read it will make no sense to you what-so-ever, because things like that only make sense in my own brain. Clearly. And no, I don't get any kick backs from Amazon.
Sorry to dump this all out there in the blog-o-sphere, but as a result I feel marginally better!
I think to an extent all moms go through this emotional bit with kids starting/finishing school, some more than others. I hope. There's a knock at the door, let's hope it's not the men with the white coats...